Love's End ; ♥ - 2nd

2011-11-19T11:21:00.001-08:00

No one would understand my thoughts of what im thinking, and feeling. Its really hard, mentally im tired.. What and how would life be for me when im 21? Thinking through so much,yet I cant do anything. I couldnt make a difference afterall. If I could, I wouldnt have landed up in this state now...

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2011-11-03T07:27:00.001-07:00

Life's been tremendously hard on me, sigh, why. Im really feeling so mentally tired.. Im really afraid of being a disappoinment again. I know I've always failed but I'm willing to keep trying. Even though life has been really hard, Kai's always there for me, always. No matter how much I wouldnt talk or losing my temper, he never left, or complained. Im really lucky to have you. Ilyvm.

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2011-10-31T20:33:00.001-07:00

When you really say out or explain what you really dislike or feel. People just keep getting the wrong idea, im really tired of it.. When you keep those thoughts to yourself, when relationship between people gets worst, people blame you for not finding the root of the problem and solving it. Thats how it is isnt it..? I shouldnt even be involved in a relationship. Before we crash and burn, its best to let it go now. Let tears be my last words ; 最后的沉默是因为我太爱你, 不许要用言语解释为什么要离开, 用眼泪就足够了

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Coincidental or fate?

2011-10-11T07:25:00.001-07:00

Was it really you I saw yesterday at CS? It felt so real, but I couldnt be too sure. Im so sure it was you, but I couldnt be too sure..I hate it that I hoped so much to see you again but I cant give myself the courage to look at you again. Tears came flowing down otw home. It still hurts.. A part of me still misses you. I hope you're living happily and doing fine now, J...

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2011-06-23T19:18:00.001-07:00

I love you too much to let go. At first i thought i was fine and able to let you go. But when i saw you, everything i did to hold myself together just shattered. And there i found myself miserable and helpless lost and hurt. Thats right, whether having me around or not doesnt make a difference. Whether we're together or not doesnt make a difference too. You wont die or feel hurt whether you have a girlfriend or not, or either if you have love or not. I wished you would just smash and shatter all my false hopes. Just stop letting me think that I would be able to bring us back to how we were. I need answers, I want to be freed of all these. Then again, I still want you. My heart still longs for you. Wonder if its true that my feelings are fading, what are we now? We may be together in status but in terms of feelings and heart, are we together? Do you still think of me? Do you still have feelings for me? Questions after questions, im still lost and trap in the maze, unable to reach for you. What do you do when you're heart is in 3 places. The one you love the most yet the one who doesnt care about you, the one who is always there for you and might be the one who really loves you, the one who regretted losing you and wants you back. Tears after tears, I cant change anything despite trying to get back my position in your heart. I dont know where I stand anymore. People tell me it wouldnt matter a bit to you if i leave you. Just this makes me feel so sad, realizing that you might not think about me in the future anymore. Can we start afresh? Can we be like how we were in the past? Can I continue to have a place in your heart? Questions, just questions but no answers. I miss you..

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2011-06-22T08:26:00.000-07:00

The Rebel, Hobo, Vintage and The Bullied.

Apple made a GIF of Zhaoqi jumping !

Had manicure session with Gillian, Apple & Zhaoqi ! :D Did our nails.
Gillian did leopard prints and Apple did watermelon nails while I did french nails.
Headed over to E!hub's Nihon Mura for buffet and then we took lots of pictures.
Pictures posted up above are all from Scarletapples.blogspot.com ! Credits to her for the wonderful pictures :D

2011-06-16T06:53:00.000-07:00

Time doesnt heal anything, it just teaches us how to live with the pain.
"He doesn’t want to call you. Give up. He doesn’t want to see you. Shut up. He’s not planning on getting back to you. He’s making excuses to get out of it. It’s what he’s doing as I’m breathing. What he’s doing while I’m waiting. It’s what he’s thinking while my heart is breaking."

Feeling so damn miserable right now again, that hanging on nothing feeling. Im really getting tired of feeling this way :'/
Im always looking at other people being happily attached & spending time, doing things, going out, having meals,
or even just rotting away with each other at each other's crib watching movies and having heart2heart talks.
Im just really jealous and envious of it. HOW COME THIS NEVER HAPPENS TO ME?! :'/
Not even mentioning late night chats on phones, or rather random sweet texts/morning & night texts.
Despite that I could give it my all in a relationship, I've come to realize nothing good happens to me.
This makes me feel even more pathetic. Kay, enough of self-pitying for myself alrd. Sighhs.

Desperately fighting against time, hoping that I could still change things and make it right,
cause it might be just the last time I would try and the last chance I would ever get to bring us back. :'/
It sucks just hanging on nothing, its like you're about to die anytime and there's nothing to save you.
Its not that I dont know what I want. Its you who doesnt know if you still love me or not.
If not there's no reason for you to be behaving and treating me this way, we should have been closer instead.
This is the final decision I've made, Im gonna make use of every time I can see you during this June Holidays,
to try to approach you and make things between us fine like we used to be again.
Hopefully, by the end of my holidays you'll know your own answer in your heart too.
If not, im sorry, im gonna have to put you aside alrd, I cant go on like this anymore, Im trying..

Please, let everything between us be fine again. Bring us back to how we used to be.
Joy, I love you, I still do very much.

2011-06-12T09:44:00.001-07:00

Someday you’ll love me like how I loved you, but when that day comes, it’d be too late, ♥.
"Take me back into your heart, tell me you love me. Hold me tightly, dont let go. Lets go back, back to how we once were happy together. Cause my heart is breaking into pieces that I cant mend or fix."

Everything just remind me of you, really. It feels so hurtful to know that we're like this now.
I remember our First Month together. It was our first solo date too.
We walked around Plaza Sing, at the almost last level just window shopping those figurine shops.
and then we went to the movie level to walk around too, you asked if I would accompany you watch those movies.
We shopped at Daiso, you bought seaweed & fed me. We went magic shop too
We ate at Swensens, you had Fish&Chips and I had my Icecream. We took pictures and you secretly took mine.
I JUST MISS EVERYTHING WE DID AND USED TO BE BEFORE SO BADLY. :'/

I wished I could just get everything sorted out now. I wish you could just smash my hopeful thinkings.
Just tell me straight in my face how you're feeling and its over for us, there.
I just cant make myself let you go, I'd rather you give me the harsh truth.
Rather than now, there just doesnt seem like there's love involved anymore.
Its cold. Everytime I see you, I would wanna hug you so much, yet I know I cant.
Fearing that you would push me away. Those hands I used to hold, they seem unreachable.
I wanna move on but I’m scared I’ll never find anyone like you. Yet im really tired of holding on.

Im just tired, really tired. I just need you to be there for me, just like you said you would.
Life's really killing me hardcore, I dont have anything left to lose beside you, if you're still mine, that is.
So many insecurities, so much doubts but no answers to assure myself, I wished you were around.
I really hope by perservering I could bring us back to how we used to be once before.
I still love you, but I wonder if you'd still feel the same way.
I miss your hugs. I miss holding your hands. I miss those kisses you use to give me.
I miss everything about us, I miss you being my one and only Joy. :'/

Joysoniloveyouistilldo..

2011-06-04T07:01:00.000-07:00

Moving on isn’t about not loving someone anymore and forgetting them. It’s about having the strength to say “I still love you, but you’re not worth this pain.

JNHF's ♥, 1st January 2011 // 我已经爱上了不该爱 ; 1.1.2011 ♥
The first time you let me go was 5th May 2011, 5.00
Now I guess its really time to let go since you've left alrd. 3rd June 2011, 10.28

2011-06-03T07:52:00.000-07:00

Do you still think of me, like how I think about you every night?

"I wish I could clear these memories of us together.I can’t stand that every where I look, you are there. Why is it that you are the biggest part of me ? When it’s like on your end, you no longer care ? You told me that you would always be there. What happened to that guy that I used to know? I want you back in my life so bad right now. But I guess I need to learn how to let go"

Its the 5th day we're not talking alrd. Im counting the days as they go by.
Yet being scared to raise my hope up that I would see your text. J, imyvm..

The Story Of Us - Taylor Swift

I used to think one day we'd tell the story of us, how we met and the sparks flew instantly
and people would say they're the lucky ones. I used to know my place was the spot next to you,
Now I'm searching the room for an empty seat cause lately I don't even know what page you're on
A simple complication, miscommunications lead to fallout, so many things that I wish you knew.
So many walls up I can't break through, now I'm standing alone in a crowded room and we're not speaking.
I'm dying to know is it killing you like it's killing me? Yeah I don't know what to say since a twist of fate,
when it all broke down and the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now. The next chapter would be
How'd we end up this way? See me nervously pulling at my clothes and trying to look busy
and you're doing your best to avoid me. I'm starting to think one day I'll tell the story of us.
How I was losing my mind when I saw you here. But you held your pride like you should have held me,
I'm scared to see the ending why are we pretending this is nothing I'd tell you I miss you but I don't know how.
I've never heard silence quite this loud. This is looking like a contest of who can act like they care less.
But I liked it better when you were on my side. The battle's your hands now but I would lay my armor down.
If you say you'd rather love than fight.

Bbi, I stay in love w you.

2011-06-02T06:34:00.000-07:00

I’ve liked you ever since that day, but it sucks to know that you’ll never feel the same.

"I wish you weren’t worth the wait, because there are some things I’d like to say to you… and you, you could deny me all in one breath. You could shrug me off your shoulders."

Now I know why people smoke, really. It gives a sense of relieve, kinda? I suppose.
Then again, I guess I finally felt someone cared for me yesterday again.
It was that kind of thing when you're turning rotten and picking up bad habits and
someone got really mad till he's on the verge of his tears trying to stop you.
It really freaked me out, but yet...Im happy..Happy to be cared for like this again.
But coming back to the point, why all this started, it wasnt you. The one who I hope would care.
Seems as though you've really forgotten about me. It was just 4 days ago since you've text me.
Im wondering when is the next time you're gonna ever text me again. Seems like forever.
But im still waiting, i am always waiting..

J, im still waiting for you to turn around to notice me..

Daddy, why cant you just freaking leave me alone? Im vexed enough I swear and your naggings make me more fustrated. I DONT WANT TO STUDY. I WANT TO BE ALONE IN MY ROOM. SO JUST LET ME BE. BY WALKING IN AND OUT DOES IT MAKE ANYTHING BETTER? IT MAKES ME MORE FUSTRATED AND I DONT WANNA STUDY MORE. FUCK. Know what? I dont even want to fking come home anymore.

2011-06-01T06:45:00.000-07:00

Its nice to know that you were there, thanks for acting like you care, making me feel like I was the only one.

"Its kinda fucked up isnt it? How all of a sudden, someone just wakes up and decides never to talk to you again. No reason. No explaination. No words said. They just leave you hanging like you never meant shit to them, and what hurts the most is how they made it look so easy. "

Its the 1st of the month again, Happy 5th Month? Hmmm. Happy? Not the least bit.
I was stupid enough to stay till 12 last night just to send out a text. No reply came back though.
We havent been talking for 2 days alrd, no texts, no calls. Totally zero communication.
I suppose this is it..? He cant be bothered alrd? He doesnt wanna care alrd? He gave up alrd?
I dont know. I dont know a single shit. Im lost. Im confused. I dont know what to do.
Despite learning to let go, I cant, Im trying, really..Sighhs..He wont ask me to stay, right?
Guys hate relationship problems and claim to be tired of it when there's actually nothing that tires them out.
It pretty much shows that he cant be bothered, when he just gets tired of small problems which are insignificant.
Girls just keep holding on despite feeling damn hurt but deep down, they know they love the guy too much to let go.

Jnhf, where are you...

2011-05-18T05:25:00.000-07:00

1st January 2011 ♥ J's.
After being confused and thinking for quite some time. I've decided that as long as you're staying,
I'll keep trying to salvage us and to get your love back. No matter how hard it is..

2011-05-16T07:07:00.000-07:00

Im done pleasing everyone but myself. I cant do anything right be it love, friends or family

"I’ve realized girls tears only seem to fall when they don’t know what they’re gonna do anymore to try to be happy. They cry cause they’re fighting against those feelings that are telling them to let go, but knowing that if they let go, they might regret it. And they’re just trying to figure out what’s going to happen if they keep holding on, and if they’re willing to go through with all the pain that’s needed just to keep fighting."

I said before I hate studying but im trying. I said I wanna go ITE when the results came out alrd.
You both encouraged me to retain, I did. Now halfway through you both ask me to go ITE & gave up on me.
LOL. Thanks, honestly. Just because I slept more during the weekends you both not happy.
Everything I do just cant please you both, seriously. Nothing I do can please anyone.
Im tired, really fking tired. I wanna rest so badly and have everything just normal for a day.
I WILL make it to poly this year I swear. Doesnt matter who will continue believing in me.

J,
For the past one week, we been quarrelling, arguing, cold war-ing cause of how you've been taking me for granted. I knew I was wrong to lose my temper totally at you, I just cant help it anymore. In my mind for the week I've been constantly thinking "I am gonna let my ego take over control of me. Let's just see how you can stand it. I will stop doing what I always do cause you never appreciate it". I dont want any cold treatment or quarrels between us alrd. You said why cant I be the one to text you first. So I did and all I got was cold and dao replies. I dont know you anymore seriously. You arent as sweet, caring or treating me like your girlfriend anymore..Sighh..What do I do now?

Constant disappoinment.

2011-05-14T22:11:00.000-07:00

A love player never falls in love. A love player never shed tears.
A love player never have to get his/her heart broken.

2011-05-12T04:48:00.000-07:00

When you feel like giving up, remember why you held on for so long in the first place.

"Don't try to explain why you're love's changed. Boy you really broke my heart this time, I won't let it take away my pride or Who I have inside. Im torn between everything how could I feel nothing, I would have done anything if it would mean it could make you love me"

Sighhh, sucks that so much bad things have been happening lately like everyday.
Im really sick & tired of everything, I just wanna find somewhere comfy to hide & rest.
That place would be right next to you and in your arms, but thats so impossible.
What am I thinking? Hahh. False pretenses & constantly lying to myself.
I know im always being insecure and I constantly need assurance. It feels as though im being irritating.
You patience is starting to get worn out, my tolerance has almost reached it limits.
Sometimes I really hate the way you treat me. At times when it gets really unbearable,
I always ask myself, Walkaway and let go or Stay and hang on. Yet the answer is always the same.
Stay & hang on. Despite all this shits & hurts, no doubt im still in love with you.
Now all I can do is just to pretend that I dont care when I still do care about you alot.
it hurts having to act this way instead of being able to be sweet & nice to you :\
I just want to have a normal relationship. No lies, no cheats, no neglect, no fakeness & games.

Everything changed drastically especially you, I dont know you anymore, but I still love you. :\

2011-05-08T06:52:00.000-07:00

What if one day, I would disappear from your life. Would you realize? Would you realize fast enough to hold me back & ask me to stay?

"We want them. They don’t want us. We do everything in our power to make them want us. They start wanting us. Suddenly, we don’t want them anymore. They stop wanting us. We want them again. Why?"

I miss who I thought you once were, back from the very beginning when we've first met. I guess I've lost it all.
Might be just me. But then again. Whats this feeling I get? The feeling when you get taken for granted.
It just feels as though im so far apart from you and I dont know you anymore.
Where was the sweetest&cutest boy in the world I once knew who would give up his sleep just to text / accompany me?
The boy who tried to do everything he can to make me smile and constantly reminding me to smile.
The boy who cared about me being happy & tried to do everything he could to make me happy.
Yes boy, I miss you. The silly things you did. That playful you, always giving me hugs. Playing around with me like kids.
Now I just see another him* in you. Not prioritizing me or leaving time for me anymore. Sleeping meant everything to you.
It hurts so much to have history repeating again. I wished you knew how much you meant to me.

I stray from love this is how I feel..

2011-04-29T00:19:00.000-07:00

Waiting for you to realize, is like waiting for a raindrop during a drought.

This week was hectic and really tough, had so much to think over and decisions to make.
But I guess I'll just let it be for now...? I cant do anything much can I? Sighhs.
Im so thankful to have people who knew and understood to stay around by me to cheer me up.
I know I'll be fine, I just gotta love myself more. I just need to have confidence in myself.

Dollhouse-ed with Kor, James, Shuxian, Weimin, Alfred & Dylan in advance celebration for Alfred's birthday.
Damn fun & crazy. Got high and danced and danced and danced with them. :D hehe.

Soupspoon-ed with them before heading to Dollhouse. Yumyumyums. ♥
Kor & I had Beef Goulash, doesnt taste nice at all. But Alfred & Weimin's soup were nice. ):
Arghhhhhhhhhhhh, jealous ttm. Made wrong decision for the stupid soup !!

Im like so HAPPYYY tonight. I was treated like a princessssss ~ ♥ ^^. Hehehehs !
Was waiting for Alfred & Shuxian to come over to Whitesands then Kor & Weimin kept treating me like a princess.
I said I didnt have a tiara how to be a princess. So we walked over to Aries for fun.
They asked me to choose the tiara I liked. So I jokingly picked the one that caught my eye.
OMG. Weimin asked the salesperson for it and Kor paid it for me x.x ! So I was wearing it the whole night.
Hahahaha. Im loving the pretty tiara ♥♥♥. Thanks Korkor & Weimin ! ^^.
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Much luvs. ♥

There's just so much you heart just couldnt see...but i hope one day you would.. :\

2011-04-28T09:03:00.000-07:00

I wish I could turn back the time, when I caught your heart and had you hold me in your arms. It felt like forever happiness to me

Im so sorry, im so guilty right now. But I had to do the right thing. As a girl I could understand..
I will make it up to you one day.....sorry bro..

It hurts to move on, but I guess im trying hard. The feeling and wanting to be wanted.
I just never got over it. Maybe it was all wrong, I was just trying too hard, way to hard.
Im so glad you asked me out tmrw for lunch but..idk..i dont wanna think too much.
Just abit more, I just need abit more courage to push myself to let go..
I dont hang on to you if your heart's no longer here. I know I'll wont be able to let you go..
Just for tomorrow, I'll be selfish..Just one last time of everything I had with you..
Then maybe I'll be strong enough to let you go..Even though I know how much it'll hurt..

JNHF,iloveyoutoomuch, justwaytoodeep but..Im just a passing thing for you..Im no longer something that interest you. Tmrw, one last chance to be in your arms. I wished you knew, I wish you'll hold me back and tell me dont go. I dont wanna hold you down..Freedom is something you can never lose..Im sure there'll be someone else better for you..I dont want to let you go so much, but I cant be selfish can I..? Dilemma, hurt, pain. I know you wont hold me back..

2011-04-27T08:16:00.000-07:00

Thanks James for the crazy night, Hahaha. It was lot of fun, just doing some crazy talking and stuffs. It really made me kinda cheer up. Damn good guy friends always understands. (:

It just hurts so badly, too much, just way more than I can take.
I know I'll hang in there, but how long more can I hold back tears?
I dont know what else to say. When I saw 'that' text, my heart shattered immediately.
Im not in your life anymore, I know, Im just not something that you would give a damn to.
I realised, Im not someone that you want anymore. So now I know I just gotta start running.
I know I love you alot, but, I'll let go if I have to. Im a human too, I crave for love, care and attention.
I only wished you would let your walls down and be yourself. Stop trying to be someone else.
It the real you I love, not the one who would keep acting like someone else.
If only you would let your guards down to me, I promise I'll never fail you and I would do everything to protect you.
I swear, I would..If only you knew so much, If only you would understand.
Why wont you just be yourself...? :\

Heartache..hurt..

2011-04-26T05:22:00.000-07:00

Heart over mind or mind over heart? I know, I know, I should really stop thinking.

"Reaching for the phone cause I can't fight it anymore and I wonder if I ever crossed your mind cause for me, it happens all the time. Another shot of whiskey can't stop looking at the door, wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before. Guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all"

Studying breakkkkk, Gonna do a short post/update/rant. Today, mmm..sucks?

Feeling feverish for the past few days and whoever touches me tells me my body is burning.
Didnt sleep well last night, im just constantly waking up every 1-2hrs and falling back sleep again.
And waking up in the morning to see that my panda eyes are heavier and im feeling im getting uglier day by day.
Sighh, Im really tired of all this tiffs & quarrels over nothing, small things and misunderstandings..
Just because i update my tumblr with pictures i find meaningful and i like certain quotes & phrases.
It just had to make you think that I was referring to you. No, not the negative stuffs.
But yes, positive and missing you pics & quotes are referring to you. You dont understand me.
Im missing you like really bad and terribly & I really feel sad when you're cold & dao towards me.
Im really lost. I dont know what I should do now. Be it you, myself and other things coming my way.
I wanna turn to you and rely on you very much. No one else but you.
I wanna hear comforting & sweet words from you, not from other guys. You're heaven, they're hell.
I want care & attention from you, not from other guys too. What are they compared to you?
I could have many people telling me stuffs to cheer me up but none compares to you.
Do you know, 1 line of 'Bbi, cheer up. I'll always be here for you, ily' from you works better than 100 lines from others.
I know after tonight, the cold treatment starts again even though how much i dislike it.
But I wished you knew this. I wont give up on you till you've decided to give up on me.
No matter how much I hate not being prioritized by you, Im slowly learning to get used to it.

Heartache...

2011-04-25T06:24:00.000-07:00

The only songs I listen to, are songs that makes me think of you and us.

"I wouldnt mind letting you hurt me instead of others. Cause I know you're worth the pain and you'll be there to catch me when I fall. Guys come and go, yet you're the only special guy that caught my eyes and heart. Thats why in your heart is where I wanna stay."

So gladdd he texted me today and today we texted much more compared to other days.
Though its not much but it still really made my day and it made me really happy (:
Even though I keep wanting to be like what me and him used to be in the past, but its hard. Real hard.
Everything in his life & my life is constantly changing. So its of course impossible that both of us didnt change.
No matter how much I might have changed just to adapt to the changes in my life,
the only thing that im sure of that will never change is my love for him. Promise to myself ^^.

Sighh, but here comes the bad part. What if people who walked out of your life in the past just returned again like Exs?
I cant deny that most of them, kay all of them left me for someone else even though I was the one who initiated the breakup.
If the heart is not with me, whats the point of having you to stay with me?
You told me you made a mistake when you left and you regret, but does it change things now?
Cause when you left me you said that you wouldnt be coming back. Judging me just on my looks.
Seriously whatever, im done with those bullshits of being treated like a bombshelter & whatsoever thing.
You quarrel & breakup with your gf and started turning to me, trying to gain my sympathy to go back to you? -.-
Whatever happened in the past before just made me stronger and changed me to who I am now.
You succeeded in the past but I dont need you back in my life anymore so get on with it seriously.
I dont mind sharing things with others, just not my boyfriend or the guy I like. Thats too much.
Im contented having just one guy who's special to my in my life now, I dont need more jerks like you to extra.
Dont bother pyscho-ing me. Doesnt work, doesnt help, doesnt make me go back to you by brainwashing me.
So moody cause of this kinda shits again. Zzz.

Nothing can make me happier than having you with me. Wanting you & no one else, J <3

2011-04-24T04:51:00.000-07:00

Hanging by a thread but we're loosening and the sparks flying are not the type that we need

"The best thing about tonight's that we're not fighting. Could it be that we have been this way before? I know you don't think that I am trying, I know you're wearing thin down to the core. I may have failed, but I have loved you from the start"

"I'm staring at the glass in front of me, is it half empty? Have I ruined all you've given me? I know I've been selfish, I know I've been foolish. But look through that and you will see that I'll do better. I know, baby I can do better."

Sighhh. This feeling sucks. When i posted so much on your wall, i dont even get a heartshape.
I know im being ridiculous but seriously, sometimes i dont feel like im your girlfriend.
You dont prioritize me. Its fine if im being placed 2nd,3rd or 4th but the thing is that,
Im not even being considered to be placed in any of those places. I keep feeling that im insignificant.
You dont have time for me and here I am trying damn hard to get my mind off you.
I dont mind changing for myself for your sake, but are you compromising me?
I want to be loved, I want your attention, I want more time with you, I want you to care about me more.
I know im asking for way too much? But then isnt this the basic things that you're suppose to give me?
Im not trying to compare or anything but look at other couples, they're doing so much things together.
But look at us, what are the things we've done together so far? We hardly even meet up.
When you heard from people saying that I treat wm much better, are you sure?
I dont constantly hold on my phone hoping that he'll text or call. I dont text him first.
When we quarrel I cant be bothered with him and i'll just ignore him and off my phone.
I dont go till the extend of trying so hard to sew a soft toy for him or finding things to do/make for him.
There are many things that im feeling towards you that are just way different from him.
I know I dont wanna lose you and Im really cherishing you alot cause I really wanted this r/s.
I know by asking you to read all this, is like trying to start a war or something but im not.
I just want you to know what im thinking and all these are what I wanna say to you, even in the previous posts.
Being unable to say those things and problems to you, im only able to type it out here as though im talking to you.
I dont want our relationship to be broken anymore, really, i dont, so i'll do anything to mend it.
Sighh, I really hope that im not making a wrong move by asking you to read everything.
Please dont get the wrong idea. :\

ihopewecangobacktohowwewerebeforeinthepast.

2011-04-23T07:49:00.000-07:00

If someone really loves you, they wouldnt let you slip away no matter how hard the situation is.

"Im not confident of anything. I may not be the prettiest looking girl. I may not be the perfect girl you've dreamed of. I may not do everything right that makes you happy. But there's one thing im 100% sure of. That is my love for you is always strong no matter what happens, my love for you is the biggest and lastly, I will be the girl who loves you the most."

Its 23rd April ~ Bbi's birthdayyyyyyy ! ^^. Hehehes. Saw him yesterday but he was drunk alrd :\
So I dont think he saw me...? >< but OMG, when he's drunk, he's so damn effing friggin scary, I swear. x.x
So glad the the birthday present I made for him turned out normal (or at least decent?) and not as horrendous.
Happy Birthday Bbi. I love youuu so muchhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ^^. Hehehehehes. Happy~
Hmmmm, kinda wasted the whole day at my 'second home, the hospital', arghhh? Feeling damn wasted. :\
Today.Is.Friggin.Mundane.I.Swear.Its.So.Boring.To.The.Maximum.Doing.Nothing.Useful.

That feeling when you never let me go ♥

2011-04-22T20:15:00.000-07:00

I could never sleep a night well anymore, guilt sinks in, your pained and hurt face just appears in my mind.

"Life keeps getting in the way, whenever we try somehow the plan is always rearranged and I dont wanna leave it all behind. But I get my hopes up and I watch them fall everytime. Another color turns to grey and its just too hard...to watch it all..slowly fade away.."

Just woke up after having a bad dream again, feeling so miserable & guilty now.
Sighh, havent been sleeping well thesedays. What comes around goes around.
Afterall, which person in the right mind would be able to get proper sleep after hurting someone important?
Im so sorry for hurting you unknowingly. I wish I didnt hurt you. I dont wanna hurt you.
I never meant to hurt you. I wish I could take away all that horrible feeling you're having.
I wish I could make things right again. I wanna make you a happy boy again. Sighhh :\
Im really so sorry dearest boy, the cutest thing in my world. 12 more hours.

5 in the afternoon.

I know it was my bad for going overboard while playing. You only text me when theres a need to?
I was waiting for you all afternoon. Even when I wanted to go over to meet you even just for a while.
You didnt even have the courtesy to even reply my text. So how am i suppose to know what im suppose to do?
Know what? forget it. Im so sorry i spoiled your day and made you unhappy and feel bad.
Im really annoyed at the way things are going and I dont know what you want at all.
When I care so much bout you, you dont give a shit bout me.
When I finally can make myself care less bout you, all this kinda things just start to come up.
Seriously, just tell me what you want. I really dont know what else to give or do for you.
Im really trying to hold back trying not to throw a bitch fit/temper at you cos i really love you much.
You never update me nor inform me about what your plans are and other stuffs.
How lost am I suppose to feel..?
I'll be gone tomorrow so that I wouldnt spoil your happy day in any ways.
I feel that im being so far apart from you. I dont get missed by you and you're so cold towards me alrd.
Im not gonna say anything, im not gonna do anything even though I wanna talk to you so much.
Im not gonna play myself anymore, checking my phone for your name whenever it vibrates.
I dont know how to play it like im not in love with you, but i'll try..
I know you wont even bother sending me a text alrd. So there, I've got my answer to heartache.

We need to talk things out, but how? My heart really hurts to see us being torn apart now.
I love you too much to let go, I miss you too much to stop thinking of you. What do I do now..? :\

能不能再一次拥有曾属于我的温柔..?
You know I never wanted to hurt you boy.. :\

2011-04-21T22:41:00.000-07:00

An apology now after all of this time wont make any difference tonight. But I'm hoping "im sorry" will open your mind.

"I'm so sorry that I hurt you, sorry that I fell through, sorry I was falling in love with you. I'm sorry that it came true but sorry doesn't turn back time. For all that I have done to you, I wish that I could make it right."

Im so sorry I didnt know that I've hurt you so unknowingly, yet I've misunderstood you all along..
Im really sorry, so sorry how much I thought you didnt care about me and everything.
When I thought I was the one hurting so much inside all along, I failed to realize that I've hurt you too..
Now every night I couldnt sleep. Having hurt someone who meant everything to me..
By hurting you, I've hurt myself too. Now all I wanna do is just to take all your pain away..
I just wanna hug you in my arms so tightly right now, hoping that I'll make you feel better :\

- One of the most amazing things in the world is having someone who falls in love with you
whom you never thought you had a chance with ; JNHF, iloveyousomuch ♥

2011-04-20T21:05:00.000-07:00

Stupid girl, you should have known better than to follow your heart.

"I never could have seen this far. I never could have seen this coming, seems like my world is falling apart. In a perfect world, you’d still be here and it makes no sense I could just pick up the pieces, but to you this means nothing at all. I wish that I could bring you back, I wish that I could turn back time, cause I can’t let go and without you I just can’t find my way. I don’t know what I should do now, I don’t know where I should go, I’m still here waiting for you, I’m lost when you're not around, I need to hold on to you. I just can’t let you go."

Stupid girl ? Yes thats me. Guess I was being stupid thinking that you would reply my text.
Thats the reason I dont text you in between anymore, I cant take the disappoinment of not getting your replies.
I know I shouldnt have sent that text out, even though I wanted to so much but I just disappointed myself.
You said I dont update you about anything, I dont tell you what I've been doing & hanging out with.
What about you? Have you ever been telling me anything or updating me or even spend time chatting with me?
I had to have some asshole, mocking at me telling me "your boyfriend is in Pasir Ris and you dont know?".
Or either someone else telling me, "Im meeting your boyfriend later, wanna come along?"
How am I suppose to feel, say or react?
When others are asking me out just to hang out and have lunch but I dont get asked out by you.
It feels as though I dont know a single shit about you at all and Im being nicely put aside like a toy.
I have so much to tell you about whats going on in my life & so much to update you. But you werent anywhere to hear it.
I could update my friends about my life but not being able to update my boyfriend bout anything..
After today, Im done staring at my phone waiting for your texts/calls.
Cause no matter how much I hoped for it to happen, I'll just end up disappointing myself...
I guess being able to hear your voice just for that short while just now really made my day.
But it made me feel like crying too cause the distance between us is getting bigger, knowing that Im losing you soon..
Still I have to pretend and act like Im fine & I dont care when its actually hurting me so much to see you go away..

Imissyousomuch&ithurtssobadlytoseeyoufadingaway..
JNHF, 1.1.2011 ♥

2011-04-19T03:52:00.000-07:00

All the pain, the tears I cried still you never said goodbye and now I know how far you'd go.

"There's nothing I could say to you, nothing I could ever do to make you see what you mean to me. I know I let you down, but it's not like that now but this time I'll never let you go"

I've got to admit, this may just be the hardest relationship I've ever managed but yet the one I love the most.
Im putting in everything I've got but...It just doesnt seem to go the way I want it to be..
I dont like to feel neglected or left alone. We're drifting. I dont feel wanted by him at all..
Thesedays I've been trying to get him off my mind by staying away from my phone.
Im trying so hard not to text him before the time I am supposed to text him at.
Sometimes I do feel disappointed when you're near me but you dont ask me out for lunch and such.
I know you want your space and you're not used to me in your life much so im trying not to intrude into it.
Everything makes me feel as though im already halfway out of your life.
We dont do so much stuffs that couples do, you dont even tell me anything at all.
Our relationship is so fragile now that I dont even wanna do anything that would risk losing it..
Sighh, Im really lost. I dont know what to do. I really wished you would tell me what you want and expect from me..

Im learning to walk away, to divert my attention, to keep it in so that I could keep my mind off you. Even though we're near, like planets, Im just a tiny planet revolving you knowing that we'll never collide, J..

2011-04-15T06:10:00.000-07:00

We are not the same persons this year as last; nor are those we love. It is a happy chance if we, changing, continue to love a changed person .

"I wanted you to be there when I fall. I wanted you to see me through it all. I wanted you to be the one I loved. I wanted you to hold me in my sleep. I wanted you to show me what I need. I wanted you to know just how down deep, I want you J"

If I could have a wish right now, I wish your texts that were gone would be back in my phone :\
Those meaningful conversations, those sweet words, those funny moments, quarrels, everything..
Sighhhh..I'd do anything to get it all back. Literally anything.Everything related to you is priceless.
Your texts are the only thing that keeps me through the day and make it okay.
No matter how terrible I feel missing you, just by reading through our old texts conversations, I'll feel better.
Still feeling so upset now no matter what I do...

11.11 ; Can I have his texts back in my phone..? :\
If I'd still believe in forever, that forever would be you. ♥

2011-04-13T07:01:00.000-07:00

I miss your tanned skinn, your sweet smile, so good to me so right & you held me in your arms during december nights.

I miss the way we use to be. I miss the attention you used to give me. I miss the caring you.
I cant help but feel that we're drifting further and further away..
Sometimes Im really clueless and idk whats going on, you dont update me on anything.
I miss the way we used to be during december days, when I was everything to you..
Im feeling really insecure and unsure. I've got so much to ask you and I wanna talk to you.
But I dont wanna end up having to cause a quarrel between us so I'd rather keep it in.
Sighhh..So what do I do now..? :\

Hearts dont cry, tears dont lie.
Iloveyoutoomuchtoletgo♥

2011-04-11T05:11:00.000-07:00

I always dream about you and all of our memories coming back, so i hung up a dream catcher…but now i miss you.

"You might not be his first, his last, or his only. He loved before and he may love again. but if he loves you now, what else matters? Hes not perfect-you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together. but he makes you laugh, makes you think twice, makes you admit your flaws and mistakes, but mostly makes you happy. So hold onto him and give him the most you can. He may not being thinking about you every second of the day even when you want him to. But, he gives you a part of him that he knows you can break-his heart. So don’t change him, don’t analyze him, and don’t expect him to give more then he can give. Smile when he makes you happy, let him know when he makes you sad, miss him when hes not there, and treasure the times you have together. Don’t think about the future- don’t set yourself up for disappointment. Just think about now. And how lovely you become when your with him. "

I hope this week will turn out fine for me & him. School's so friggin mundane :\ Definitely looking forward to both Saturday's drinking session & Sunday's bbq with clique. Hehehe. Awesome people makes the weekend awesome.
Most of all, Im praying, wishing and hoping that I'll be able to meet him.
MISSSSSSSSSSSSSS HIMMMMM LIKEEEE SO MUCHHHHHHIIESSSSSS, He's my favourite boy ):
So glad that my mood's getting better thesedays, feeling less down and emo alrd.
Babygirl can even heart2heart talk with me even when she's drunk. HAH. Love her for that. ♥
I dont know what I'd ever do without her in my life.

Tell me you wont ever let go, tell me you'd stay with me for long ; 1.1.2011 ♥
iloveyousomuchmorethanwordscouldtellyouandeverydayimissyouliketheresnotomrrow {J}

2011-04-09T04:42:00.000-07:00

Everything that I hold on to, is everything that I cant let go.

" Who ever told you I was letting go of the only joy that I have ever known. I'm never gonna say goodbye cause I never wanna see you cry. I swore to you my love would remain and I swear it all over again. I'm never gonna treat you bad cause I never wanna see you sad "

Sometimes Im afraid of meeting you cause when its time for you to leave I cant bear to see you go.
Not knowing when I could see you again, that part of me that wants to have you beside me so much.
That part of my heart that feels so empty when you're not beside me despite trying to keep myself busy.
I would always daydream & really want to have you all to myself 24/7 and spending every moment with you.
But then when I come back to reality, I'll tell myself to hold back no matter how much I want you.
I cant be selfish and have you all to myself. ): Sighhhhhh.
Boy, I luv you so much. Just way too much than I've allowed myself to.

- Wish I could keep you so much longer, J ♥

2011-04-06T06:01:00.000-07:00

I miss your breath on my neck when we whisper in the night. Didnt wanna want you, didnt wanna need you so bad, didnt wanna wake up and find that I was falling so fast .

Heheh. So glad everything is fine between me and ♥ alrd. luvhimsomuch ^^.
I miss lots of people. Havent met them for quite some time alrd. ):
Yuanwen, LiEn, Catherine, Vanessa, Jacinda, Gillian, Zhao, Marcus, Andy, Haziq
Ray, Joyce, Dolyn, Jinglong, Jonjon, Enmarye, Adam, Seyan, Pariz and others.
Tmart ytd with Korkor, Shuxian & Weimin, bought 4d and homed. Rofl.

"Never thought I could love you the way I do. I always thought I would stand on my own, climb a mountain top all alone. Relying and depending on no one. Now look at what you've done. Now I cant take my heart and mind off you anymore, not even a minute nor a second. JNHF ♥"

2011-04-04T05:46:00.000-07:00

When I hear your voice, its drowning into whispers.

What the hell am I doing? I was suppose to make him happy not unhappy.
Sighh, I've broken the promise I made to myself from the very beginning.
Without realising that he's troubled, I still added on instead of cheering him up.
Im so sorry, I really am..I know I've been saying way too much sorries.
But i mean all of them. Sighh..Really wanna stop schooling real badly.
Im really sick of school and studying. I want back my life and myself.
Im really going crazy, I cant take it anymore, sometimes i really wonder why did i go back.
- Shimin, control, smile, be happy, hold it in, dont lose yourself. :\

"I wont give up till its over, if it takes you forever I want you to know that if you fall, stumble down, I'll pick you up off the ground. If you lose faith in you, I'll give you strength to pull through. Tell me you won't give up cause, I'll be waiting if you fall, you know Ill be there for you" ; J bbi, iloveyousomuch.

2011-04-03T07:23:00.000-07:00

For once towards unlike any other guys, I would let my walls come down and let my world revolve around you.

Finally get to see bbi today (: (: (: (: (: (: Hahahahha. yesss. Im damn happy.
I just simply adore him so muchhhhh. ♥♥♥
I could just forget my troubles and unhappiness for a while when i see him.
Really wish I could get to see him more often &a be able to have more time with him ):
A wish will only be just a wish.

1.1.2011 always ♥ luvluvluv.
You're that really special boy, J (;

2011-04-02T06:32:00.000-07:00

Lets go back, back to the beginning. Back to where the earth, the stars, the sun are all aligned.

Sighh..I wonder whats wrong with me..Im feeling damn fking lost.
I dont know what I want anymore, I dont know what im doing, I dont know what im thinking.
Im just starting to hate everything. I dont know whats going on either nor whats happening to me.
I dont wanna be like who I used to me in the past. I like who I am now.
But why am I behaving like the old me now..?
Getting mad and pissed off by the smallest things which I dont even care.
Flaring up at the slightest things that never affected me before.
Im really annoyed at myself. Where's the me that I've tried so hard to maintain over the years?
Feeling really empty right now, and the emptiness is killing me. :\
I miss bbi damn much..Havent seen him for a week alrd..Sighhhhh..
For the very first time, I get the feeling that absence makes the heart fonder.
Joysonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn ):
Oh shittt. I think im lovesick. I miss bbiiiiiiiiii :'( sobbs.

Hmmm..Today's 2nd April again..3 years back ; Where all the memories stay & replay.

2011-04-01T07:22:00.000-07:00

Too much words left unsaid, too much of expecting each other to know, too much misunderstandings..

No matter how much I really miss you, I'll hold it back from now onwards.
I dont want to be a bugger to you. I dont want over honeymoon period to be over.
I really love you alot, you mean everything to me. I dont want to be demanding for too much.
Even though I feel that things between us has changed so much, sighh, it really hurts.
Sometimes it really feels as though you're not making time for me I guess..?
I really fine with it that you cant spend today with me, I dont blame you and im not the least bit angry.
Why is it that hard to just resend a sms? Is it even that hard to update me on where are you at times?
SIGHH. I dont know what am I even suppose to do anymore. Really..
Everytime when I try to talk things out, you'll just keep avoiding and problems just keep stacking...
Now I have so much questions and doubts.

No matter how much I miss you, I'll keep it all in.

2011-03-31T01:41:00.000-07:00

Sometimes it just gets so hard and tormenting, even though i try so hard to feel numb. Its just me i suppose..?

Words cant even describe what im feeling now. Im trying not to go into my wildest imagination.
Fine? Yeah im fine. So much so that I feel like im on the verge of giving up so badly.
Is it just me..? Or is it the fact that things are already changing way faster than I've expected?
Im sinking in too deep, just way too deep, more than I've expected, more than i've limit myself to.

Neglected, yes thats the word. I guess im feeling that way.

2011-03-29T20:40:00.000-07:00

I guess everything's way over, and im over you too after so much. I was being your puppet.

Last night i dreamt again of you, of us; What we used to do, where we used to go, when it was only me who had you.
I guess i do miss everything we had in the past. When you were still you, till you've changed totally.
Would things be different if only i was stronger and more forgiving towards you..?
But I've already reached my limits towards you, all your lies and betrayal.......
You* took down and destroyed everything we've build up over the years, even my last bit of love.
Even till the very last moment when i asked you, you hanged on to your face and lies.
Till the very end & last moment, you were still lying..

以前, 因为我害怕, 所以没留下来. 因为我不相信你和你的爱, 所以我选择离开你.
因为你一直对我说谎, 所以我恨你.

2011-03-29T05:19:00.000-07:00

I know i'm not perfect, but can you tell me, who is ?

when you can talk to him about everything & anything. When he makes you feel loved, cared & happy. When he acts stupid around you. When you guys argue like crazy but always end up making up. When you’re always excited to see him even if it’s only for a couple of minutes. I guess thats love. (:

I cant help but to feel hurt at the constant reminder of how ugly I am. Sighh.
Some things can never change, criticism is just everywhere, no matter how much i try to change.

2011-03-24T07:01:00.000-07:00

J, im thankful everyday for having you in my life and the love you've given me. ♥

I guess im really still being playful. Its time to get serious in my studies alrd.
After hearing what bbi said to me, it really made me start to think about what the hell am I doing.
But at the same time, im really happy and touched that he actually cares about this kinda stuffs.
For the very first time, someone special to me really cared about my studies.
Im really really happy and touched. Im gonna really stop being playful and make bbi happy ^^.

Joysonnnnnnnnnnn ♥

2011-03-23T08:21:00.000-07:00

Its all the littlest little things that make everything worthwhile, and every littlest thing you've said that made me love you so much.

Hehehe. So gladd that bbi is in a better mood alrd after getting his call :D
Still thought i was damn fail at not being able to make him feel better or happier .
Bbg's birthday today (: bbq-ing was fun. Saw the clique and caught up with them.

11.11 ; I wish that bbi can be happy all the time ♥

2011-03-22T05:02:00.000-07:00

Just like always I could put on a smile and end up crying later.

Sighh..Its always the rumours and what other people think or see.
Just like always, they never know whats going on before even saying anything
First and twice; They never really mattered. It just what they see and their conclusion.
So what else can I say just because its easier to hangout with them* rather than with you people.
It really sucks not being able to tell him what happened even though I wanna talk to him, but considering the fact that it might make him more unhappy, I guess I chose not to say until it blows over.

Chubbychubby, please dont get mad at me over this :\ I cant seem to stop staring at piggy & doraemon, I cant stop reading the cards, I just cant. I guess Im really missing you much. ):

2011-03-20T07:49:00.000-07:00

Undeniably, unexpectedly, never did i expect myself to fall for you this deep

I love you forever I used to say, but forever's always over.
Thats why I never say forever anymore cause I would want to have you always.

Sighhh..I miss you my dearest boy :\

2011-01-01T01:57:00.000-08:00

I hate to say it but I told you so, told you if you left that you were gonna be miserable.

'Cause I can't take you back no my heart won't let me.
Yay its 2011 already :D its been so many months since i've blogged or if i've even remembered that i've got a blog. Had the best New Year's countdown with clique and ♥ :D Ohyes and MIAOMIAO ! if you manage to even got heart read this :P Im officially asking you out next week tuesday to catch fish. (you dont read this no fish let you catch, hpmh!) ^^

2010-08-22T08:38:00.000-07:00

As all the pain sink in, i start to cry inside..but i only an pretend to be strong..even infront of weimin..i have to put up a mask and be strong for everyone to see..even though its hurting so much inside..i thought weimin was the only one i could dont have to pretend infront off..guess i was wrong..no one is there to care for me..im all alone..im so tired..i want to be myself..i miss the past when all i had was you..i can only stay in our memories and cry while watching you leave me behind to a new future without me..i no longer have anyone to understand and listen to me..my health..i will be fine ? Right? Even weimin has forgotten about my health too..doctor tmr...its getting worst..i wish i could die now..no one would probably care..especially weimin..everything feels so fake to me now even when i try convincing myself its real..yet a simple i love you feels so fake..im just in a struggle in a war between myself and the world..fighting it alone..i know i'll never make it..or even breaking free of my ownself..all the scars are open, all the pain are pull me down, chaining me to my own pain alone with no one to turn to or talk to..crying and my own tears are my only comfort..losing weimin is just a matter of time..im all alone since the beginning arent i? For all the time, im just lying to myself he's with me, he'll be there for me, he loves me when nightfalls, i know im only lying to myself he'll be around..he'll never be there when i need him the most..i have no one to turn to besides drowning in my own pain and sorrow.

2010-08-21T08:38:00.000-07:00

my heart hurts so much, i feel so alone..all these tears..its so hard to keep them all in..
everything in me just burst out unconsciously, blame, sorrow, craving for affection, regrets..
cause he'll never know..i want him to know so much..i want him to care for me more..
we're drifting so far apart..i feel so tired..i cant reach him..he'll never care..he doesnt care..
i keep telling myself, i keep holding in all the pain..everyday..and the tears wont stay inside me..
every night..tears just come..how i wish he was around..he will never be around..
to him..im just bugging him and he is sick of me and finding me irritating..i'll cry by myself..
i'll tell myself im fine..i'll tell myself to act infront of everyone that im strong, confident and happy
i'll tell the little girl in me.."dont cry..dont be scared..weimin is not coming back for you.."

2010-08-09T02:14:00.001-07:00

everytime i try to stop myself from feeling so hurt, i make myself feel worst instead
is it me or is it you? i tried my bestest alr, i tried doing things to make you happy instead..
wasted time, wasted efforts. how am i even suppose to work it out when you dont give in as well? i feel so mentally tired, tired enough to let everything go but i know this time, i cant let go because it'll be the very last i'll be able to keep myself standing.
我努力的仰着脸孔试着眼泪不往下流

2010-07-31T08:10:00.000-07:00

I am so good at making myself disappointed..

2010-07-29T05:26:00.000-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY SWEETIE (: ~> WONG LI EN :P

happy sixteen birthday sweetie :D thanks going crazy with me everyday
i love you ttm cause you always read alot of cheeenna books andand this is the best part,
you never get angry at me for always purposely messing up your hair everyday :P ily <3
ohh ~ i love you the rest of the group as well :P cause we're finally gonna eat nui pa tomorrow !
MUAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA. LIMSHIMIN ♥ WONGLIEN TTM okayeee ~ ^^

2010-07-28T04:50:00.000-07:00

Giving up doesn’t always mean that you are weak. Sometimes, it just means that you are strong enough to let go

sick again, feeling so frigging cui and terrible :\

2010-07-27T07:28:00.000-07:00

the word DISAPPOINTED is what i feel right now

i miss those daily night talks, i miss so much things we used to do before.
there's so much i want to tell you, but i just kept holding it in and i never told you.
"i miss everything about you, cant believe that i still want you.."

2010-07-26T05:37:00.000-07:00

despite all the pain that comes with your love, im still unwilling to give up

Loving you into having to compromise, with no solution being thought of till the end, and i kept holding on to you, not letting you leave, yet history keeps repeating itself till i feel so tired. Even though i keep compromising to love you, still, the history cannot be rewritten and changed. With those last words you say, i slowly hide into my own world..Even though it hurts so much, i still want you so badly..im so sorry..

"Just gonna stand there and watch me burn, well that's alright because I like the way it hurts, iust gonna stand there and hear me cry, well that's alright because I love the way you lie"

2010-07-21T06:19:00.000-07:00

all the tears i've cried, no matter how i try, it'll never bring you home to me

the stupid chicken they skinned instead of eating the meat

Henry kiddo :D

had a great time nua-ing and playing with loves ; rayray, nuer, jonjon, jinglong and dolyn. ♥♥♥

went over to rayray's place and chatted with dolyn and nuer then disturbed henry.

and then alot of other people came along then we went to eat and came back, dapao-ed for them

after ray's friends left we slacked and nonsense and played around like some crazy people

then i went to the room to find jinglong and henry. ROFL. took pictures and played again :D

a few minutes later, rayray came in and told us the rest are letting her father read fortune.

so went chionged over and join in, i have a terrible life but my nuer is gna support me. :D

then nuer and rayray sent me home , hehehehe. then the end. miss them right nao.

imissyousososomuchdespitethatmyhearthurtssobadly

2010-07-20T05:36:00.000-07:00

when you slammed the front door shut, alot of others opened up

sometimes, all i wanted was just some time with you, it just so impossible i guess..just so......
me being compared to them, me equals nothing for you to care, well..its okay, doesnt matter alr.
i'll start running now, from that moment onwards, 20/7/2010, 7.30-8.51 you didnt replied..
i knew what i should do already, since you've made it so clear, what else can i say..?
you may give me material needs to satisfy me all the time, but thats not i want, hmmm..
did you ever asked what i really want? even if i want it so badly, you failed to notice it. congrats.
i dont need to you break and shatter my heart for me, i'll do it on my own,
somehow i always wonder, when there's so many out there, why do i always turn to you?
since all these pain and sadness i've kept inside are not visible to you and never will be visible.
and yet you didnt try to notice anything in my words and eyes, i guess, its time to let go.
when it hurts so badly and when i needed you, where were you?

looking forward to nua at boyf's place with 조이스호 and jonjon ~ ♥

imissyousomuchandithurtssobadlythatitskillingme

i tried to be your one & only

2010-07-19T06:10:00.001-07:00

i miss you so much..i just want time with you..is that really too much to ask for? sometimes i wonder why am i such a failure..

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you'll never understand my tears..

2010-07-18T06:13:00.001-07:00

why do i have to pretend to be fine when im not. even though im happy to be on the phone with you..but im crying while talking..everything i say makes you angry and i dont know what are the right things i should say. why do i feel such pain and sadness in me now?

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2010-07-18T03:11:00.000-07:00

Try. So. Hard. To. Say. Goodbye.
flowers wither, as they are being drench in tears of anguish

2010-07-17T07:25:00.000-07:00

You know that i love you so i love you enough to let you go, you can't make it feel right when you know that it's wrong

there are so much things i wanna tell you and talk to you about.
but slowly, bit by bit, im losing all my courage to pick up the phone and call you.
cause i know you're always not free to hear me out..my nonsense and my rants..
even right now typing this, im hesitating to pick up the phone to call or even sms you.
and after thinking and hesitating over and over again if i should, i'll just end up not calling.
ahh forget it, bet you wont even read until this, even if you do read, you'll dont give a shit.

i proudly give you this word here; 痛

2010-07-16T08:36:00.000-07:00

2010-07-16T07:09:00.001-07:00

things dont seem to be getting better when its always hot and cold, it'll never change i guess

so much things to do yet so litte time, 3 weeks more till mock exams, DIE
submitted DPA form alr, praying and hoping i'll survive it? probably not, DIE
time is running out, time is ticking, but im still not spending it wisely.
shimin oh shimin, its time to buck up and study !! ): byeeeeeeeeeeeeee .

在夜里掉的眼泪是我唯一的解脱, 爱我还是爱你你选择你自己,
即使我们的时间快要结束了, 你也不会珍惜我们最后一点的时间..
对你来说这不是什么重要的东西, 但对我来说, 是很重要的, 也是多年来不能复原的痛.
悲伤和泪水淹没我深处的内心, 直到我不能呼吸, 我很累, 真的很累了..

where every love reveals the truth

2010-07-14T07:17:00.000-07:00

where every love reveals the truth, it just hurts so much to know it didnt matter much

yay ;3 finally got my blogskin changed after like so long. thanks Emzy♥ for giving me her code :D
hais, why? why do i always feel that your words not the same as your actions, it hurts.
you chose freedom and time, out of everything, you never realised what was the most important all i can do is just hold my tears and pain in, and you never do notice the single bit of pain in me.
despite knowing that im not happy, i cant do anything to change it, i can only pretend im fine.
shall blog more tomorrow :D nights people. ♥

imissyousomuchbutyouwouldntknow

2010-07-10T08:42:00.001-07:00

why..why is it always like that. why dont you ever know my pain and all you do is think about yourself. since you yearn for freedom so much then i will leave . im sick and tired of it. i give up, this will be the last time i will cry over you. why dont you love me, the way i love you. it feels so crazy cause i dont know what i mean to you. if you're gonna hurt me, then do it quickly. im tired of crying if you dont wanna stick around then baby forget about me..

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2010-06-20T03:20:00.000-07:00

Sealed away with teardrops, locked with a obstinate mind, thrown away the key into the depths and abyss of a shattered heart

argh, i wanna change blogskin, but im damn lazy to do so ): i wanna go shopping also,
shall probably try sneaking out again. well..what can i say? i guess after last night, that was it.
if i could make some wishes out of airplanes, i'll probably wanna go back to the day we met.
you & me, just like fire and water, sun and moon, night and day , clouds and stars.
we can see each other but we'll never touch, we just dont exist together, we'll end up clashing.
no point forcing things that wont happen, its been years, time to let it go, im tired of bullshyts.
plus i doubt you would have patience in me anymore, its time i put up another mask.

i must say that the cup has already emptied, has closed the eye and got brought down by the heavy snow coldly freezing the heart. the frozen ground, tells us the its time for the payment of our love. why i did open the door yet he did not come to hold on me. he has not understood & does not understand. flower petals slowly falling are the wishes unsaid. he'll never understand that a hug to be able to replace all the love to be able to calm me absolutely . cold air all around us has turned into the smoke, fluttering the past, rolling down the snowball of fear of our hearts. unspoken tears contributes to love that he gives. carrying the heavy love which only too many falling stars fall to be too oversensitive also, crashing the time.

2010-06-15T04:19:00.000-07:00

no matter how high a feather flies, it always have to fall in the end

i wish i wasnt the root of trouble for both of you. i really wish i wasnt. i know this...
is definitely my fault.. if i had been smarter, clever, and stronger..this wouldnt have happened.
i really have tried to be stronger, but..i still failed..im sorry..i really am..even though i tried..
to hide everything..to hold everything in..i wasnt mentally strong enough to hold it back..
why..even after all these years am i still so weak and useless, why cant i ever be strong..?
WHY?
im sorry..i tried..but i have failed so badly..

please..everything..please go back to normal..dont fight and ignore each other anymore..i promise i'll try..
to hold it back the next time..i really will...i wont be so weak and useless anymore..please............

2010-06-10T03:50:00.001-07:00

あなたは私はあなたに誰も..私は推測するにはもう..その大丈夫私は推測気にしない..それは本当にこのしびれ..何度も私の心を満たすすべてのこれらの涙..私だけを紛らすていると述べた深いで..あなたが残してもう.. iを戻ってこない私に言ったちょうどあなたに耳を傾け..さようなら

2010-06-04T06:10:00.000-07:00

i didnt know that, it was so cold and you needed someone to take you away,
so i took your hand and figured out that, when the tide comes i'll take you away
if you want to, i can save you, i can take you away from here, so lonely inside
so busy out there, and all you wanted was somebody who cares
- time and again, i told myself this, but yet i got shattered all over again time over time.

MASKS, are they just meant to hide your true self or are they meant to cover up your pain,
wounds, scars, hurts ? do everyone wear a mask to hide something?
past? gulit? pain? or do you just wear a mask for the sake of wearing one?
definitely, everyone has a side of themselves they do not wish to show.
likewise being happy when they're not happy, instead drowning in tears and pain.

PAINTBRUSHES, dont they work exactly the same way ask masks?
in certain cases, they're the tools that adds color to life but yet the tool too,
that covers up all the misery like painting a mask to cover your (insert-your-own)
layer by layer as you continue painting, you'll only gradually lose yourself.
not being able to see clearly which is the real you anymore....

im so sick and tired, im sorry i tried but i failed, im just so tired to pick myself up..
motivation then hurtful words, i'd rather be physically hurt by you then mentally/emotionally.

2010-05-30T06:41:00.000-07:00

i didnt want us to burn out, didnt come here to hurt you now, i cant stop

O'level chinese tomorrow ): diediedie. and just downloaded back audition and maple -.-
O'level F&N practical the day after tomorrow, how much worst can it get.
but im still thankful for the June Study Camp arranged, rather than rotting at home.
so into chionging audition again to get back fully my skills, gahh, but whatever, studies first.
i wont wanna disappoint my parents or grandparents or brother and
then after always sending smses for help to babygirl everytime x.x but i ♥ her ttm :D
looking forward to the 2nd week of June Holidays, :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
i wna go teoheng/kbox with Jac & co and with the PDZs as welllllllll ~ ^^ ♥♥♥
kaykaykay, i shall go study like nao as in seriously naoooo, bye niao ! :D

2010-05-24T04:33:00.001-07:00

cause when you just keep walking and moving on into the future, you didnt realise what you had left behind, would you ever trace your way back?

ahhhhhhh ): intensive mother tongue week and next week mother tongue O's. fag.
hmm lets see. i've been a good girl, havent been late for last week and this week :x
and i've been copying and doing WYD's work in class and mass eating as well.
despite WYD looking at me and being speechless and asking me to stop eating. LOL.
too bad he failed epicly. XD ohwell. and the gamers' gang was funny also.
they were behind me playing and i played along. kept passing notes and scribblings.
then end up 1 of the paper got confiscated, i drawed a chio slime okay &
idk who coloured it, it was still so cute and chio and the rest spammed mushrooms.

written in one of the notes :

someone: hi im Ken Wanatabe
me: Ken Wanatabe -> pornstar $0.05 per night.
then i said, walao eh. kenneth, you ken wanatabe uh?
kenneth said, no uh not me o_o"
OMG shit, next class de uh?!
gamer gang all nod head, me -> OMG SHIT DIE. SORRY!!!
someone: fyi, he's a famous photographer and apology accepted.

LOL. damn epic. .____. kay bye.

-theres always a reason why people from the past didnt make it to your future

2010-05-19T18:24:00.000-07:00

stones, heavy like the love you've shown, solid as the ground we've known
thanks for your showers of love and concern, but for now, i have to go..im sorry :\

alright, sucky results , sucky life, sucky everything. as for you*, arent you happy?
you've break my heart, you've broken me, you've teared me down. what do you want?

first you wanna be free, now you say you need me, giving me mixed signals and signs.
it's so hard to let you in thinking you might slam the brakes again
you tell me that you love me first then throw your heart into reverse
i can't keep coming back to you, every time you're in the mood
to whisper something sweet in my ear, it's so hard to move on
cause every time I think you're gone you show up again, but this time, i'll be gone soon forever

2010-05-03T06:31:00.001-07:00

Like snow, but quietly it continues to pile up just like everything else

super late post on this x.x

went to Shatec at Bukit Batok to visit and know more.
its definitely a place i wanna go to and pursue my studies.

Li En & Hazirah

OH, and this is a lobster ^^ LOL !

fruit tarts, yummy, we 'made' it. ahahahaha.

TODAY

went out with Dionne, Alan and Andy to study :D

and we did ! XD but after a few hours of it, it ended up like this
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Andy and Alan like bodyguard like that. LOL ! XD

andand this this !
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the AL brothers :P mai siao siao. hohohoho ! ^^

YESTERDAY
webcam-ed with this lovely baby of mine ♥
( love her to the max, so stop doubting my love baby XD )

oh hi, me, i, myself, shimin talked about a lame story about a shark. ROFL :3
but i like~ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
kay done mass posting, BYE ^^

2010-04-25T04:32:00.001-07:00

damn sick of studying, sick of everything in life right now.
its not like i wanted to be physically sick right now, its not like i have a damn choice.
what can i do if my headache keeps coming back? its annoying. its not even you having headaches.
the most annoying thing is after taking medicine taking a nap and you had to force me out of bed.
like hello? what is wrong with you. who wont get drowsy after taking medicines with description saying
"MAY CAUSE DROWSINESS. IF AFFECTED DO NOT DRIVE OR OPERATE MACHINERY"
wth do you think that sentence is printed on the package for huh? you really make me speechless.
im so sick of studying. FML. whats the point of studying when you force someone hurh?
its not like my tuition teacher wants to be sick and neither do i want to be sick. -.-
if i study now when i get real stress and sick of studying what do i do for the last few months
before Olevels really start? where would my motivation go? its not like you would care right.
all you care is. i dont study, you dont see me studying i cant get into a poly and shits.
yeah i dont give a damn. did you ever ask me what course or what im really interested in?
when i told you so many times what im interested in, you dont seem to be listening. ahaha? -.-
whatever alr. like serious. i think i make a good potential student for ITE. ahahahahaha.
bye.

2010-04-20T05:14:00.000-07:00

If i'm a bad person, you don't like me
Well I guess I'll make my own way
It's a circle
A mean cycle
I can't excite you anymore
Where's your gavel? Your jury?
What's my offense this time?
You're not a judge but if you're gonna judge me
Well sentence me to another life.

Don't wanna hear your sad songs
I don't wanna feel your pain
When you swear it's all my fault
Cause you know we're not the same
No, we're not the same no, oh, we're not the same
Yeah, the friends who stuck together
We wrote our names in blood
But I guess you can't accept that the change is good,

And this is the best thing that could've happened
Any longer and I wouldn't have made it
It's not a war no, it's not a rapture
I'm just a person but you can't take it
The same tricks that, that once fooled me
They won't get you anywhere
I'm not the same kid from your memory
Well, now I can fend for myself

-ignorance.

2010-04-20T05:02:00.000-07:00

i'm tired of this, can't take it anymore. i'm sick of your lies, your fakeness.
after all you've done you'd think i'd fall. but you know what? i'll pull through it all.
see i learn from my mistakes, took a while to realize you were a fake.
but now i'm good, i'm through with you, putting my life back in the right place.
i should've known you would've used me, you should've known never to mess with fate.
but now it's cool, it's over now, and im not gonna hate, just know.
i'm faced with denial, i knownow i've been cheated and lied to, it's okay, though.
i'm strong enough and i'm not gonna sit here thinking, who's right or wrong.
now, i'm better than that, i've learned to fight. i'm gonna move on.
and yeah, i admit that i was blind, i got deceived by your stupid disguise.
but i got peace within cause i know that through this, some good will arise.
it's called Strength Over Struggle and that's what keeping me here.

2010-04-17T21:20:00.000-07:00

梦破了沉默便不敢哭太过倔强虽然有苦说不出但就是讨厌认输..
我用梦想在天空中飘浮海边的日出前都会有雾勇敢就是我的许愿树

2010-04-15T03:37:00.000-07:00

everything i hold on, is everything that i cant let go

die luh. Mid-year's next month and so much test next week. D: been working hard alr.
wondering if my results will improve and be ready just in time for O'levels ):
that Helmi being so scary again, like always, out to scare, he says its too late to study,
but still have to study, @@ seriously uh. he keeps skipping our math classes and runs off.
to his sepak takraw matches and tournaments. zz. sheesh. RAWRH. but better than Lok.
ohwell. FML la. D:

2010-04-12T06:12:00.000-07:00

Everything you had to say sent the tears right down my face, now I'm trying to escape the misery

hi people :D what are you guys doing now huh? ;x
i've kinda gotten back my pri 6 life accidentally but its good, still love it :D
-listening to 98.7 with the muttons + doing homework + studying + abit of chatting as well-
andand, TYVM TO AHCATAHMIAOAHCATHERINE for lending me all those mangas/comics.
its like seriously entertaining laa, Vampire Knight , Train Man and Before falling in love with you.
:D
:D
:D
:D
:D
:D
:D
:D
:D
:D
:D

im a happy girl nao nao nao ~

bye
bye
bye
bye ^^

2010-04-09T07:54:00.000-07:00

Saying farewell would be a lie, there's no need tonight to spend a sleepless lonely night, i'll be back and then you'll be mine

overdued pictures.

cute cinnamon roll boxes with uber cute stamps inside ~ ;D

taken on sports day :D

didnt go to school today cause had sore throat and slight fever.
so stayed at home and watch 'Shutter Island' , really cool and nice, quite scary at times.
but overall was really interesting :D napped after that until 4 plus plus ~

at night mummy bought these cute and pretty mini cupcakes back.

pretty isnt it? :D spot the caterpillars ~ ^^

cant wait for flag day and subway with subway kakis tmr :3

byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~

2010-04-08T05:14:00.000-07:00

nothing matters that much anymore, cause i'll only keep drowning

hihi, im back, and its my 2nd post in 84984087 years. LOL :P
whats today's post about ? CONDOMS ~ yeap, thats right, madly colourful ones. LOL.

for more fanciful ones, kindly visit Gillian's blog. :D ROFL.

bye, condoms are fanciful & colourful.

2010-04-07T06:24:00.000-07:00

the thing that pierces deep into my chest, that's a fragment of my dream and still , there are things that can't be conveyed even with words

well, O's are coming soon, GG, im dead. hopefully, by rushing and chionging right now would help.
my seat in class got changed, its good and bad i guess ?
shall list out the pros & cons for my own sake,to make me like my current seating right now .__.

PROS ;

♥ its definitely alot more windy and cooling
♥ having super smart genius near me, eg. KYW
♥ great view of the whiteboard and the screenmuch
♥ more crazier people (but surprisingly able to concentrate and do my work more)
♥ whole row of gamers right behind me, LOL !
♥ motivates and makes me wanna study more =____=

CONS ;
♥ harder to sleep in class @@
♥ cant really talk much with Alan more about gaming.
♥ cant disturb Idris / JueYing / Dionne anymore.

here's one thing that remains the same since sec 1, where ever Gabriel sits, i still can shoot him.
LOL . damn epic. as usual, the Lim dynasty will PWN/OWN the Ong dynasty, ROFL.
( dynasty thingy started by Kenneth .____________________. )

Today's F&N period is damn crazy as usual, LOL, endless nonsense, crap, laughter & bastard-ing.
with usual people during F&N is always damn mad, therefore, F&N = LOVE ♥

wakakakaka. okay finally a post about this cute girl ;x
she, finally, like finally , whacked me on 21st March , 12.34 in the afternoon. LOL.

byebyebye. ♥

2010-04-03T04:30:00.000-07:00

we haven't talked since we left and it feels so overdue, it's cold outside but between us, its worse & colder in here. everyday seven takes of the same old scheme,seems we're bound by the laws of the same routine, gotta talk to you now before we go to sleep, but will you sleep once I tell you whats hurting me.
i guess things are fine now, i hope..even just for a while..

2010-03-31T04:56:00.000-07:00

我爱过几个人也被爱过几遍却还是没能将幸福留下
愛是不可数的嗎为何我还相信它不是独行侠
我在等一個人在等我的永恒告诉我爱不单行别害怕, 告訴我相信它

2010-03-26T22:29:00.000-07:00

even on those nights stretched out across emptiness, i'll take the difficult road by all means, no way i'll lose my heart at the end

sucky life, sucky results, sucky homework ~> life's so epic that it sucks so much.
6 more months, gotta hang on and buck up, maths, science, poa, humanities, i hate all of you.
i swear i do. -.- so therefore im determined to screw all of you till i get what i want.
its just so suffocating having to cope with these subjects, it makes wanna totally cry out :\

i dont get it why some parents do not try to understand their children, and it IS that fun?
to agitate them and drive them to the end of the path where they have nowhere else to run.
those pain and hurt accumilated, will they even know or try to heal it? when all they think
that they're doing their part but instead they are just hurting them and killing them slowly.
until the point when its too late for their children to turn back, then they realize,
its the wrong way / method of teaching as well as how they communicate and talk to them.
by inflicting pain and cuts on one self, its to numb the pain and hang on, but instead left uncared.
even though physical scars do heal as time passes by, but psychological scars do not ever heal,
as they're marked in our heart for our whole life. we may forgive but we wont be able to forget.
i thought you might be the one would listen and understand my situation now..but you didnt..
you just walked away..leaving me here to fend for my own against that unreasonable woman..
thanks, seriously thanks alot.

2010-03-19T06:50:00.000-07:00

the memories are satisfying the melodies of a broken heart

wakakakakkaa. ECP-ed with YuanWen, Jacinda, Vanessa and Veronica ~ :D
super epic, first we ate at macs for breakfast at the super last minute,
then after we went to kiap toy, i saw the kuromi i wanted so i tried pushing.
and bleahhsxz, -.- i spent 24bucks and got nothing, lucky Jacinda kept stopping me. LOL
then forget it like seriously, we went cycling instead, Alan helped checked the weather forecast.
so as expected, it rained about 1plus ~ luckily i chased everyone out of ECP,
and we reached the bus stop happily just nice as it started raining xD wakakakakaka.
we took bus 31 and went back to Tampines, CS to watch 'Remember Me' . LOL.
super epic, they got in bed 3 times and bleahhs so on. the ending is quite nice i guess.
the starting is total bullshit cause its so boring like all the crappy stuffs they're talking about.

TADA, three of us. INAPPROPRIATE ATTIRE FOR CYCLING . LOL.

AND TADA ~ APPROPRIATE ATTIRE FOR CYCLING ! LOL.

Vanessa and Veronica went home after that then as usual the three of us.
went to slacked around like retards and snapped pics to past time. LOL.
in the end we manage to snap our way home, LOL. nehmind. crappy.

and haha, here's something for you, hmm as in like, what i wanna say to you.
wakakakakaka xD have fun reading in chinese ~ CHEENNAAA IS GOOOOD :D
我想说其实你很好你自己却不知道真心的对我好不要求回报爱一个人希望他过更好.

byebyebyebye. <3

2010-03-18T17:31:00.000-07:00

Love, i've got to feel it, if you put your trust in me, i know what my life would be
i try to hear what you say, so i pray, but you're fading away
dont go, dont break my fragile heart, cause we wont fall apart
i wonder why my tears come at night, calling you, so like a little child,
all the things you have in mind, i wish i could see your what you're thinking
i feel alone and empty, you're far, thats why i cant bear to be move on,
dont you know i still believe no one can stand in your way, here i stay
there'll be another day, where i wont cry and get rid of scars, you're always in my heart
how am i supposed to know whats right, im missing you, and I do lose my mind
i've been thinking of you, in my dream, open up my heart with your key
my love, you've got to feel it, and if we put our trust in you and me
you know what our lives would be, you are the one i believe ♥

2010-03-18T05:41:00.000-07:00

even if i'm exhausted to the point where I can't walk, though my tears blur my vision, i'll still smile

been dota-ing the whole day today @@ GG mans. alot of time wasted. but, ohwell xD
got people uh. some people. beat my death record when starting play dota. -HAPPY!-
LOL. and its nobody besides KENNETH. lmao. yay. -claps claps- :DDDDDDDDDDDDDD

and i top-ed the score chart today 3 times which dont normally happen. weee ^^
been skyping the whole day as well. total madness. so epic too. Alan the imba-ness is pro kay.
wakakakakakakakkakakaka. im mad hyper today. shall do my homework later~
at the same time, tyvm to somebody* for helping me lvl wc in runescape :P <3

byebyebybyebybeybeybeybyebye.

2010-03-17T05:19:00.000-07:00

can't breath, heart hurts, time goes tick tock and flies by tick tock

2010-03-14T06:18:00.000-07:00

the stars fill up the sky, shining brightly too many to count, the stars reassure the tired me,
wiping away all the tears that are deep inside me

camp was awesome but there were some bad times too. im lucky to have nice and fun people
accompanying me all the way, hoho :D i love all of them. and Amanda went home halfway ):
im so sad, oh ~ its killing me :X hahaha. Catherine was super cute during the captain ball thingy.
Jacinda and Catherine were the unlucky 2 people who were being sexually harrassed by me xD

but right now my palms are super smooth . so is jacinda and cat's ;x cause we love scrubbing
outdoor cooking tins with mud . LOL. jacinda and me ; part time hobby. LOL.
suyi is damn cute also during blindman's trail . hahas. so funny. xD jackie and malvina also. ;x

last camp for this year alr :D yay. wakakakakakaka.

see my jacinda waiyu. LOL. xD gong dai dai.

byebyebye.

2010-03-11T05:28:00.000-08:00

A star falls in the grief of someone who'll never be seen again

shaded by the trees, calling out to the wind, I'm lying face-down crying
i saw a version of myself I didn't even recognize, in the pure white unstained by sorrow
there is something sprouting in remembrance, the peaceful daybreak I once saw

下雨了,雨陪我哭泣看不清,我也不想看清我的泪流在心里, 学会放晴.
听雨的声音一滴滴清晰你的呼吸像雨滴渗入我的爱里一万颗雨滴的距离
真希望雨能下不停让想念继续让爱变透明.

深海の孤独 ;

Tell me about sorrow

"If you closed your eyes, you won't gaze into sorrow."
"If you forget the feeling of warmth, you won't feel pain."

I can't recall that gentle voice
In the depths of my mourning heart

Someone is calling me from my forgetten past
Asking me when I will take sorrow into my hands again
At this moment that will never come twice
You are all I can see

A little ship glitters silently in the distant, alone
Swept away by a torrent of grief, it disappears under the waves of my heart

Why do I search the ocean depths aimlessly
For the warmth that I should not have known

Swaying with the ripples, the ship of life sails on
Though no stars can be seen, it overcomes waves and advances on
Beyond the darkness
You are all I can see

The waves that we saw are flowing towards serenity
Flowing to the kindness that disappeared underwater

I know that there's a future where we will love each other
Until I take the sorrow back into my hands again
At this moment that will never come twice
You are all I can see

ohwell, going fr camp tmr ): its gonna be fun cause i'll be going hyper disturbing people ;x
and it'll be sucky cause indianmeatball and blah are gonna _________________. -.-
i'll be missing out during the next few days , and FML like seriously .

MEL DARLING ;
im sorry darling, i dont think i'll be able to go and support you for danceworks ):
jiayou kays, do your best ! ILOVEYOU :D muacks ~ ♥

stupid three days two nights ): im gonna miss lots of peeps. LOL. stupid right.
like for example MELdarling, YUANWENlaogong, AHENwaiyu, FEIZHUROU and etc, :P hah.
but i'll have GILLIANbaby, AHCAT, JACwaiyu and many more, hehehe xD watch me fly.
i know, i make 3 days sound like so long and 3 days like want die .__.
andand, i'll miss you esp , aha ~ kaykaykay nevermind nevermind nevermind xDD
i'll miss talking to you on msn and dota-ing with you. ohwell ): have fun while im gone.

kaybyeimoffpacking stuffs ):

2010-03-10T06:18:00.000-08:00

You're everything i know, its so hard to let you go

2010-03-09T04:09:00.001-08:00

what comes around goes around eventually

cant help it but i still wanna rant and say it. hahahaha. too bad.
you know what you do, you know what you lie about, you know what you're hiding
you know what i mean, you know that i do know your true colours.
so there, it all make sense now doesnt it? treat me the way you want to be treated (:
i dont have to do any thing to go against you, in time soon to come, you'll get it back.
thats life, so why not start living your life properly and honestly. its just that simple.
i dont think there is a need for living in lies unless you dont trust yourself and such,
so why not just face up to reality, rather than just keep sinking in and live off it.
girlfriends & long time buddies should know what kind of person i am , thats enough.
so i do not need you to judge me or trust me nor dislike me, cause idc , DONE. (:

2010-03-09T01:35:00.000-08:00

cause i hear heart shatters every now and then ,

pretty pleased with myself for my english results . :D but for others , total dissapoinment.
no worries, i'll work extremely hard . i'll try to reach my target for O's ! (:

spammed chatting with MEL DARLING and GILLIAN BABY yesterday night
practically full of nonsense ~ but its been so long since we've done that :D
WE'LL STILL LOVE EACH OTHER NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS KAY,
even when the sky is falling down ~ LOL. xD hahahahas. love them ttm ! ♥♥
ohyah, Singapore Flyer ftw win too ! *winks* ;P byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

2010-03-08T04:20:00.000-08:00

when you walk away, i count the steps that you take..

Yuan Wen, Vanessa, Me, Li En, Catherine , Jacinda <3

Jacinda ~

Yuan Wennnnnnnnnnnn.

Candid Shot.

Candid Shot again,

Vanessa , Catherine and Li En xD

A1 student singing kay, mai siao siao ;X

Kbox-ed at Ehub! yesterday with YuanWen, LiEn, Vanessa, Jacinda and Catherine :D

hahahs, it was fun to the max, everyone so so so hyper, WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

Met with YuanWen and Jacinda at Superdog then the rest came along .

Sang from 2-7 , everyone was so crazy inside, cannot stop with all the nonsense ~ ^^

end up singing near to about 90+ songs and our list keep full cause we can never stop adding.

after we stopped singing we went to take neoprints after ages xD i love them ttm kay ♥

gonna go to kbox with the same people during march holidays again ~ teehees.

2010-03-05T06:45:00.000-08:00

no matter how many times i have die, i'll force my way back alive.

CT's finally over, im happy, but knowing that my results are gonna suck, im sad.
kayfine, its really whatever, life sucks, O's sucks too. mostly things in life sucks.
im feeling so sian-ded and stressed out and moody, nevermind.............................

2010-03-04T03:55:00.000-08:00

You, who never understood my feelings
Because of that, I ended up despising you
Then I wished a misfortune upon you
But now, my eyes are dry

2010-02-28T05:53:00.000-08:00

sometimes i wanna leave, but then i want you next to me
through all the brokenness this bleeding heart must confess i love my bloody valentine.

2010-02-26T19:05:00.000-08:00

cause i wanna hide all of my feelings right now, telling myself, it'll never happen.

"This emptiness is killing me, and I'm wondering why I've waited so long
Looking back I realize, it was always there just never spoken.."

the quote above says it all, im gonna just forget about it. im not gonna think about it.
it used to be there but it never spoken, its too late i guess, now..what about now...? ;\
i'll be fine i guess.. it'll just probably take some time again for it to go away..
right now, study. no more distractions for myself. 私は既に行くことをいつ気づいたか推測する..

2010-02-25T03:21:00.000-08:00

tears like raindrops, rain like teardrops

one sentence, that person doesnt understand,
how irritating it is to have their own stuffs being copied and pasted. -.- fugman.
treat me the way you want me to treat you, dont trust me and i wont either. SIMPLE.
im glad im coping with maths, TYVM ALZL ! ;D hohohoohohoho.
but still got chem. x.x sianded. i dont wanna fail anymore, i WILL study and i mean it.
MT lessons sucks from today onwards, its gonna be a napping period and i hate it so.
i wanna dota, im tempted to dota, but i shall resist x.x sobxz.

oh and p.s i hate indian meatball. -.-

2010-02-21T03:12:00.000-08:00

My sense of humour now, is just to conceal the pain in my heart *updated more pics at the previous post.

kay some random pics taken in the chemistry lab during remedial.
cause its super nice, especially the royal blue, me love it .

and of course, here are Sally's best friendsxz. LOL.
oh and if you dont know whats a Sally, this is a Sally.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

cute yes, fluffy yes, its second name is Sushi,
so its named SallySushi :D me love it ttm ! ♥

had F&N food plating/garnishing workshop.
damn awesome, i did the dessert workshop instead of the main course.
made scones, super nice, yummy . and we had to decorate it.

jueying, li en and i made heart shapes. and as you can notice.
there's a Poo/ da bian/ shit there too ;x
.
.
.
.
end result (:

nicenice? the answer is NO. i got "scolded" though .__.

hahas and here, if you can read the chinese words.

i spent time taking turns between hervy, zhaoqi and kenneth doodling this
during wang ya dong's class ;x nothing better to do.
theres SotongGirL, PandaMan, TurtleBoy and Da Bian Girl aka Shit Girl. LOL.

read the equation carefully,
turtle + egg = ?
wu gui + ji dan = wu gui wang ba dan. LOL . teehees

life sucks, studies sucks, everything's so screwed up.

andand. to you know who you are, READ THIS PROPERLY and GET IT CLEAR.
even though you may be a friend, but i dislike it that you just copy and paste.
you know what i mean, i dont want to say it in your face. would you like it if people,
or rather your friends just copy and paste your stuffs? i dont think so you would like that
very much, im pretty much "irritated and bothered" by it. so know your limits,
remove it and stop it. i did not tell you this earlier cause you still have that "problem"
and i dont want to affect you more. but you copied and paste a second time. -.- zz.
whats more, i dont ever remembering you use "tyvm". so please, stop it. i AM very bothered by it.

我想要学会自我催眠痛觉会少一些潜意识作祟想着想到失眠我躺在没有你的房间寂寞更加明显.
haisxz, so depressed, my studies are so screwed. damn.
there are so many things bothering me, feel so depressed all the time.. ;\

2010-02-01T02:53:00.000-08:00

latelatelate picsxz

aha, heres my seahum :D

as you can tell, LI EN DIED ON ME PRACTICALLY ):

kay people, as you can see. Alan DO HAVE a handphone.

*HINTS at the handphone .

went out to catch a movie with Li En,Catherine,Jacinda,Kenneth,Alan.
super fun. i had a hell good of a time disturbing everyone :P
and took many picxz while having dinner, will upload it soon.